What? No ranch dressing?
Whenever my wife talks about her “clematis” (a flowering plant), I turn into an 8th-grade boy and start laughing because to me it sounds like the STD “chlamydia”. One day it was really offending her and she said, “Hey! My Grandma gave it to me!” This made me crack up even harder (her Grandpa had passed a few years back, but I couldn’t stop laughing). She got a horrified look when she realized what she’d said, but then started to smile when she said, “Grandpa gave it to her!” I was rolling on the floor and she was busting up when she managed to get out, “It grew back every year!”
- me: *stays home*
- parents: why are you so lazy? get off your ass and do something with your life
- me: *goes out*
- parents: omg you're out of control stop hanging out with those people and roaming the streets
- me: *eats*
- parents: you are ruining your body with that garbage
- me: *doesn't eat something*
- parents: we're getting really concerned are you on a diet is there something you're not telling us do you have an eating disorder?
- me: *exhales*
- parents: don't give me that attitude
Me telling my friend about the hunger games...
- Me: Dude. I just saw The Hunger Games. Best. Movie. Ever.
- Jen: Haha, wow. What's it about?
- Me: HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW?
- Jen: It's kids that kill each other, right?
- Me: Basically. But it is SO much better than it sounds.
- Jen: Why do they kill each other though. Because they're hungry?
- Me: .....we can't be friends anymore.